There are times now that I’m almost painfully aware of reality. It’s a very strange feeling. I’m aware everything is real, but I also feel like reality is hanging on by a very thin thread of that can easily be snatched away at anytime, and reveal a completely different reality, universe even.
I know this sounds strange, but I wonder if this is how I’ve always thought, or it’s a anti-depressant side effect, or if the antidepressant is making me more aware of my already way of thinking.
I guess the upside to depression is the creative thinking?
I felt ugly. I went to the mirror to reassure those feelings, to accepf that I was ugly. But that’s not what happened. I went to the mirror and noticed all the things I loved about my face. My lips, my cheekbones, my complexion, all beautiful.
It’s been a year since I started therapy. There were times throughout the process that I felt it wasn’t working. That changing your mindset wasn’t something that could really fix it. How can you thoughts fix your depression if it’s caused by a chemical imbalance? I thought anti-depressants would keep me from feeling sad. That wasn’t true either. While they did keep me from hitting rock bottom, the kind of rock bottom that keeps you crying for hours with no end in sight, the kind of rock bottom that keeps you from getting out of bed, the kind of rock bottom that makes you feel ok with dying, it didn’t give me the happiness I thought was automatic with drugs. It didn’t make me numb like I was hoping either. Because why feel anything at all?
But this photo proves therapy is working, my anti-depressants, as well as my cannabis, has their purpose, and that happiness isn’t something you just get, it’s something you have to work on. Even though you have moments of sadness, they’re only temporary. People get sad, it’s ok. You’re not weak, you’re not crazy, you’re human.
As I looked in the mirror to assure myself I was ugly, something happened. My initial thoughts of self loathing started shifting with more positive affirmations. And then the final thought came that shut all of them up.
“You’re not ugly, and stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. Nothing good will come of this. Get out of the damn bathroom and work on something productive.”
So I did. I took this picture and kept it moving.
Flower Type: Indica Dominant
Indica 85% Sativa 15%
Treatment: Depression, Anxiety, Chronic Pain
Flavor: Peachy, Earthy, Citrus
I first purchased this strain from Cannabicare Collective in Oakland because they have a really good BOGO deal where you buy an eighth of a high end eighth and get another sungrown eighth for free, and I like a good deal. I spoke to a really nice budtender from there who recommended I try Peach OG as it’s a strong indica with all the traits that make indicas great. The relaxed feeling accompanied with a good body buzz.
It doesn’t take much of this strain to get you relaxed. It starts off as a nice head high but melts down into your body to give you that nice relaxed body buzz that makes you feel tingly all over.
I also find when the head high moves down to my body, I’m more focused and more creative. Being high tends to help you relax enough to be creative without being self defeating and thinking all your ideas are stupid. With this strain I’ve found myself thinking of really good ideas without my usual “noooo that’s dumb” voice intervening. It makes me happy and confident.
Also, appearance wise I find it very pretty. It’s a lighter green with orange hairs and crystals all over.
I’d definitely recommend you try this strain if you have a little extra money as it tends to be on the more pricey side, but it’s definitely a purchase you won’t regret.